Moving On
July 27th, 2007When you come to the end of a friendship or relationship, moving on can seem like an impossible task. Moving on from someone who was once a big part of your life is one of the most difficult and uncomfortable experiences anyone ever has to go through and it can sometimes feel almost as bad as if that person has died. In a way they have perhaps died away from your life and then it’s up to you to figure out how to get over it.
I wanted to write about moving on in general since I have previously written an article on overcoming a broken heart. The act of moving on from a relationship with a lover, a family member or a friend is often difficult because you had to get to a point where there was some irreconcilable differences both of you could not get past. This sometimes feels like there is now a gaping hole left in your life that somehow you need to fix but the truth is you can’t fix it you simply have to move past it.
Moving on makes you have a look at the big picture that is your life and although this can be a painful situation to face, it can also be extremely rewarding for you in the long run as you may be faced with making changes within that often lead you to becoming a better person. What ever was the cause of your relationship break up or fall out, is not something that is worth worrying about since that relationship is finished but you can certainly take a look at what lead to its demise so you can avoid a similar situation occurring in the future. There is no point playing the blame game with yourself, that is not constructive and will probably only make you feel worse. What happened has happened, there is no point obsessing over it and moving on should be your number one priority.
Successfully moving on might require a slight change in your activities, where you go and who you interact with. You may be thinking to yourself, I am not changing a thing in my life to accommodate someone I have had a falling out with. I am not suggesting that you do this for someone else but what I am saying is, things do happen for a reason and that reason may not always be entirely clear at first, but in time we realize what transpired was often a blessing in disguise. To change your schedule around a bit to avoid any unpleasant scene erupting or simply to avoid having to face more unhappy feelings can have a winning outcome for you. Let me give you an example.
A while ago a friend of mine had a fall out with someone he had known since school, they had been the best of friends for most of their lives but they found themselves in a situation they could not get past and the only option was to dissolve their friendship. This was a very awkward and uncomfortable time in both their lives since they shared a lot of the same friends. I knew both of them quite well but I was particularly good friends with one of them. My friend came to me feeling very depressed and uncertain about moving on from this friendship primarily since they shared so many of the same friends. I told him straight up that his friends will still be his friends and that the fall out he had with his old friend from school was entirely between them and them only. Of course it would be difficult for him to interact with his other friends while his old school mate was also around but this is the challenge he now must face. I told him, in time, once the dust settles, everything will get back to normal once he overcomes this hurdle and in the long run it will make him a stronger person.
To cut a long story short, my friend decided he needed to change his regular movements so he would not run into his old school friend. He had always had a love of fishing but had never really followed his passion. He lives near a huge lake and eventually bought a small boat and joined the local fishing club. In the process of joining the club he made a bunch of new friends that were in no way associated with any of his old friends and after a few months of fishing with other fishing club members, he ended up meeting and falling in love with the daughter of one of the club members and has been dating her ever since. He still sees some of his old friends and takes them out on his boat and every now and then he sees his old school friend in the neighborhood but this no longer bothers him since so much time has passed. They still don’t talk but it’s just a part of his past that he was able to move on from over time.
Moving on is a painful process and it can take quite some time to get over a broken relationship or friendship but it is something almost all of us have to face at least once in our lives and in doing so it often has the effect of making our other relationships stronger. If a relationship has run its course and moving on is your only option, do it with dignity and you will get over it so much sooner. If you bad mouth the person you were once close to, you will often lose respect from your other friends and you may even lose some respect for yourself. If the other person talks negatively about you, let them, but do not lower yourself to their level. Sometimes things just do not work out, that is a part of life and when you can move on gracefully, life will get back to normal or even better than before, sooner rather than later.
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