Losing a Loved One
June 23rd, 2007Losing a loved one can be the worst experience anyone ever faces and I am certainly not going to try and diminish how horrible this feeling can be. Some people have extraordinary difficulties letting go of someone they love after they have passed away and this is usually due to the close bond they shared while the person they loved was still alive, although there are sometimes other reasons as well. If you have never lost anyone you love dearly you will not know how you will react until you have gone through the experience.
There is no right or wrong way to act or feel after losing someone you love since everyone will deal with this event differently depending on their personality and how this person touched their life. Death is something that you just cannot put your finger on no matter how much of a spiritual or religious person you are or not. Even if you believe in life after death losing a loved one can be devastating since that person is no longer around anymore.
I am certainly not an expert on the topic of losing a loved one if there is such a thing as an expert on this. While I was in school I lost a few school friends and during my life I have known quite a few people who have died but when my grandfather passed away it was my first experience of losing someone I loved and someone who had a profound effect on my life. It was the first time I really took a long hard look at the concept of death and like I assume everyone else feels, it is a very difficult idea to get your head around. One minute someone who means the world to you is here and the next minute they are gone forever and you can never talk to them ever again. It is just a bit too overwhelming to think about.
Before my grandfather died he was ill and my family knew as did he that he was going to die soon and this made me feel probably worse than at any other time in my life because there was nothing anyone could do. Nobody could love him just that little bit more to keep him alive because unfortunately things just do not work that way and accepting this is very hard to do. Losing someone you love is a horrible event to go through but I guess it is virtually impossible to avoid in life.
I felt horrible when my mother called me and informed me my grandfather had died and I will never forget that day but in the days following his funeral I felt ok. I actually felt guilty that I didn’t feel worse and thought I should be feeling worse since my mother and grandmother were devastated. What was wrong with me, was I a bad person for feeling ok? That was years ago now and I know why I felt ok and it was because my grandfather did everything I wanted and still want to do with my life. He traveled the world, had a successful business, had a great wife and family that loved him dearly and always smiled right up to the day he died. I never saw him lose his temper and everyone who ever met him always liked him. I wanted to be just like him and still aspire to his wonderful ways. I know now why I felt ok about losing him because I knew deep down that I will never lose him, he will always be in my thoughts and I can be a better person as a result of knowing him. He would not want me to be unhappy and although I miss him he will always remain alive while I am still alive.
I am not saying that when losing a loved one you should necessarily feel the way I felt, this is just my way of dealing with losing someone I cared about and allowing their memory and the good things they did with their life to stay with me forever. Everyone will deal with losing a loved one in their own way but I like to think of death as a part of life and accept it immediately since it is inevitable.
I do not see myself as a particularly tough or hard person but I do see coping with death as one of the great lessons in life that should make us appreciate the life we often take for granted and make the most of what we have while we still have it. All aspects of life move in cycles and death is just part of the cycle.
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