How to Pick Up Women
January 24th, 2007Well you asked for it so here it is, how to pick up women. I have written numerous articles related to attraction and attracting people and several guys have contacted me asking particularly about how to attract women or specifically about how to pick up women. From my own experience, my analysis of body language and from my research on the mind, here is my guide on how to pick up women. I think both guys and girls might enjoy this article, I’ve tried to keep it light and offer up as many suggestions as possible. My intention is not to be disrespectful to either men or women but to explore the challenges a lot of guys face when trying to find a partner for either the long term or the short term.
As a teenager I was basically an average kid, I played a lot of sports and was always active. I wouldn’t say I was skinny but at around 17 years old I reached a height of six feet and leaned more towards being thin than being big. I wasn’t particularly confident talking with girls I liked and this bothered me so I set about changing that. After watching the movie Predator with Arnold Schwarzenegger at seventeen I knew immediately I wanted to start gaining some muscle. My parents wanted me to concentrate on my school work so they wouldn’t let me go to the gym as often as I liked, which at the time would have been all day everyday, so my dad gave me his old weight set from my grandfathers house that hadn’t been used in decades and was covered in rust. We sandpapered as much of the rust off the old barbells and dumbbells as we could, bought a training bench and set it all up in the garage. This was my first gym and the beginning of a confident new me and a step closer to figuring out how to pick up women.
After I had been training for a few months I had started to develop some muscle and this gave me an immense amount of confidence. At first it was still difficult to approach a girl but I found that because I was confident everything seemed to flow kind of easily once I started talking. Suddenly how to pick up women didn’t seem like such a big deal but the funny thing was I really never knew what to say but if I had noticed a girl that I liked looking at me or I heard from a friend that a girl liked me I just went straight over and started talking and simply continued to be myself. I can’t say I believe in the idea of needing to have an opening line in regards to how to pick up women or to get the ball rolling. I don’t think I can recall ever using an opening line, my approach was always to notice that the girl I wanted to pursue had at least given me some type of signal that she may be interested in me. A good way, in fact the best way I believe when considering how to pick up women, is to simply look at her and smile, maybe at first she might look away but if she’s interested in you she’ll look back and when she does all you have to do is smile. The thing to remember is make sure she has looked back and smiled at you more than once, or preferably a few times, the first time she may have just been being polite. Once this has happened a few times it’s time to make your move tiger.
It’s at this stage you really need to give yourself a dose of confidence, you don’t need to pretend to be somebody else or act in a way that is not the real you or you will never really understand how to pick up women. Most girls don’t expect a guy to be an extrovert, actually I believe most girls would prefer a guy who is quietly confident. By giving yourself a dose of confidence you could say a couple of positive words to yourself like an affirmation or just take a couple of deep breaths and walk over in a relaxed manner and smile. If it helps you could even have some fun practicing with your mates first, or even practice with your mother or sister if you have one, this certainly makes it easier when it comes time to pick up women for real. There is also no reason you couldn’t practice in the mirror a bunch of times till you feel comfortable with the whole routine of how to pick up women. It certainly took me a few attempts to feel comfortable with the idea of successfully picking up women or approaching the girls I liked but once you get the hang of it, it’s just like driving a car, at first it’s scary but eventually it becomes easy and natural.
There’s no need for a plan of attack when contemplating how to pick up women as you may only end up getting confused since you have no idea where she will take the conversation. Just take every word as it comes, be honest and most importantly be yourself. If you lie or act in such a way that is quite different to your real personality what happens if you hit it off with her, you won’t be able to keep up the act forever.
Know that it doesn’t matter if you strike out, at least you know you had a go and she will at least respect you for this even if she’s not interested. How to pick up women successfully is a numbers game anyway, the more you practice the better you’ll do although I wouldn’t go into a nightclub or bar and start with the first girl you see and keep approaching every girl in there till you find one that is keen on you. The girls in there will quickly notice this and you will most likely crash and burn and you don’t want that. I’d really suggest only going for the girls you actually like, not just any girl with a pulse. Don’t enter a room, go to a gym, attend a class or go anywhere with the sole intention of trying to score as it probably won’t work. If you have set the intention in your mind to find a girl, that is really all you have to do. Let the universe do the rest and look out for the opportunities to meet girls when they arrive.
Although some girls like to remain single for their own individual reasons, most don’t and this is good news for guys who want to get comfortable with the concept of how to pick up women without stressing about it too much. What I’m saying is you actually have a good chance of finding a girl to spend time with if you simply start talking to one that is single, especially if she has shown you a little bit of interest. If you approach a single girl and she is not interested she will probably let you know almost immediately. Some people may advise you to persist anyway but you really need to assess the situation and decide if you want to play the hard to get game or perhaps all you may be doing by persisting is upsetting and annoying her so in most cases I’d say if you get a rejection early on, move on, she’s not the only fish in the sea.
Before we get down to the nitty gritty on picking up women, let me please mention a couple of things that should be on your “must do” list before making your approach run. Pay careful attention to your personal hygiene for starters. If you start chatting and realize she is running a bad case of body odor your first instincts will probably be to cut and run, unless of course you are into that sort of thing. She is no different to you in that respect so make sure you smell good, you want to impress as many of her senses as possible if you want things to go further and her sense of smell is important to her and should be important to you to.
No matter what the length of your hair, keep it looking neat if you want any chance of picking up women. If you don’t have much hair, keep it short and don’t let it diminish your confidence, I really don’t think most girls care that much if a guy is thick or thin on top, it’s more about you being the most confident version of the real you than anything else when it comes to how to pick up women. If she’s so fickle to be disinterested in you because your hair is thin, that’s her loss not yours. Jack Nicholson didn’t become famous till he’d lost most of his hair but because he was confident he always had women throwing themselves at him long before he found fame.
One of the reasons why you will want to approach certain girls is because they are wearing the type of clothes that flatter their body so take the hint and do the same. If you’re a bigger guy wear some loose fitting and comfortable stylish gear. You will notice bigger girls look their best when they wear clothes that are not too tight in the wrong places, try to do the same and choose to wear something that feels right for you, if it doesn’t feel right it won’t look right when you are wearing it and this could minimize your confidence and that’s not what you want. If you are thin don’t wear anything too baggy, choose something tailored more for your body type. For all other body types, once again go with something that feels good and get the advice of some other girls you know or ask the sales girl at the clothes shop for her opinion, girls know what looks good on guys and it’s a good idea to take their advice. Wearing the right clothes for you will certainly help you to get closer to your goal of undertanding how to pick up women and it’s a good habit to get into.
So every thing is in place, you are looking and feeling good and it’s time to cut loose. One more tip I previously forgot to mention was, make sure you talk loud enough, it will be a sure sign of a lack of confidence if you can’t be heard or are muffling your words. If you’re in a loud environment it is even more important to speak up. If she can’t hear what you are saying the conversation will most likely begin to frustrate her and that won’t work. On the same token don’t yell so loud you end up spitting in her ear, she’ll like that about as much as if you try and stick your finger in her ear. Unless of course you’re in one of those kinky sort of clubs but I won’t go into that, not now anyway.
All right it’s time to set sail, you’ve got some eye contact a couple of times, she keeps smiling at you, now it’s your move. So what are you going to say when you open your mouth? My advice here may sound unoriginal to the people who believe you need a ripper opening line but I reckon your best weapon is the confidence you have in your self and the knowledge that if she already thinks she likes you just a tiny bit from your earlier positive eye contact, although you have never spoken, it doesn’t really matter what you say. I’d shoot for a good old fashion “Hi” with a big smile, but not a cheesy grin if you know what I mean, keep it real, look sincere. Keep in mind that picking up women is not supposed to be difficult, it should be fun. After she says hi you could reply with something straight forward like, “I noticed you sitting over here and thought I’d come over and say hello, I’m John” and see how she responds. At this early stage you need to be taking in the body language, your initial impression on her is crucial to your success in relation to how to pick up women. Does she offer her hand for you to shake it and tell you her name? This is good. Does she casually look away with an air of disinterest? This is bad. Does she keep her eyes looking into your eyes? This is good. Does she look you up and down without smiling? This is bad. Are you starting to get my drift?
Another simple but effective approach is to say hi and ask her if she would mind if you sit with her or at her table. If she says no, well it’s pretty obvious she’s not keen but if she says yes, take this as one more reason to be confident and keep talking. Ask her if you can get her anything if you are in that type of environment. If you happen to be somewhere like a bus stop or in a shopping mall, tell her which bus you are taking or why you came to the mall. You need to be proactive in the conversation because she may be shy and it’s up to you to give her some options to reply to the topics you mention. If she seems ok about you asking her questions, keep asking but shut up if she gets on a roll, if she gets on a roll you have successfully got past the hardest part of simply meeting and introducing yourself and you might be starting to gain some momentum and momentum is all good. Try and get her talking about herself and listen to what she says. Nothing feels more special to a girl than knowing a guy has been really listening to her and let her know you have by bringing up something in the conversation that she has already told you so she knows you were listening and paying attention. It’s little tricks like these that just might land you a phone number or a date.
If the conversation flows easily and you feel you have made a connection with her in some way, don’t push it if you would like something more than a one night stand and ask her for her phone number or tell her you’d like to meet her again. Be assertive and give her one or two options but no more of a place where you could go on a potential date. Don’t ask her where she wants to go, she wants you to be a man and take the lead but do it in a polite way. Although if she does offer a suggestion that works for you that’s a different story. By going with her suggestion it shows you are open minded enough and willing to do something she would like and that will always work when successfully picking up women. Remember it’s only early days and if you are looking for something long term, you have plenty of time to get to know each other down the track so generally I’d stick to a short time meet and greet to begin with. Just wet her taste buds so to speak with your confident demeanor and don’t get to deep and meaningful up front. In absolutely no cases should you mention your past or your plans for the future when you first meet and if you mention anything about your lack of previous success with woman in the past or mention an ex girlfriend, stop reading this article now and go sit in the corner with your face to the wall. Just kidding but what I am trying to say is keep it light and don’t go into too much detail about your self when you first meet, stick to talking about the things that interest you and her, what you do for work or where you go to school, tell her about some of the things you have done recently but don’t brag, this will only make her feel uncomfortable and it certainly won’t help you. Be humble yet confident, don’t be judgmental towards others and try and make her laugh even if you have to use a few tired jokes at your expense. Showing a certain amount of vulnerability or a sensitive side to your personality without appearing weak is a trait most sensitive women will have no problem with.
Also, one more very important thing I should mention regarding how to pick up women is don’t touch her, especially if she doesn’t touch you and I mean anywhere. Don’t even touch her on the arm unless she happens to touch you a few times and then perhaps you could touch her on the hand or arm just lightly when you leave each other but I wouldn’t, there will be plenty of time for that later if you get to that stage. There is an exception to this if you happen to be helping her out of a taxi or step over a puddle of water or for some reason like this. If you touch her for any other reason she may feel you are taking liberties and this is a sign of disrespect. Some girls of course may not have a problem with this but this is a general article and generally speaking I would keep my hands to myself at this early stage.
Ok, well I think I’ve covered the basics on how to pick up women and of course you need to assess every situation you find yourself in. This is just a basic guide on picking up women from my perspective. If you can’t get the confidence thing happening it’s going to be an uphill battle and if a lack of confidence is your problem maybe you need to address that issue first. You only ever need to be yourself, it would never work trying to act in any other way, not over the long term anyway and if all else fails, move to China, I hear they have a major man shortage over there. I’m serious, they do.
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